In retrospect, the people that I have forgiven throughout my life have shown remorse. They have been truly sorry – not just saying it to move through the problem. They have also shown me they are sorry through their behavior. They change the way they act or at least show me that they are trying. However, with this particular family member, she does not see how she hurt those around her. She doesn’t accept responsibility. She doesn’t show remorse. So….how can I forgive that? How can I just pretend that she didn’t hurt us? Do I just sit at the Thanksgiving dinner table and make idle chit chat. I can’t...So, does that mean that I am an awful person? I think I’m a pretty good person and I want to surround myself with people that treat us well.
We only live once. One time to get it right. I don’t want to live my life second guessing this person and waiting for @%#^ to hit the fan again. It is inevitable that it will again. I can’t afford to have toxicity around me. Maybe in time, we will be on speaking terms with this family member. That will be a baby step. Then, in time, maybe there will be another baby step. But, really - who knows?
As far as forgiving myself, I think I will have to take one issue at a time. Even though I am young, I have many regrets. Regrets about things I have done and things I didn’t have the guts to do. I have tried to live my life honestly and be true to myself. I think that I will forgive myself in time. I need to keep in mind that I have always tried to make the right decisions and that I had the best intentions at heart. I guess that's the best I can do for now.
Forgiveness can be very difficult, especially in a situation like you stated, with someone who doesn't seem remorseful at all.
ReplyDeleteI always have to remind myself that to be forgiven, I must forgive. When it's hard for me, I pray and pray for God to change my heart, as well as the person who I feel did me wrong. Sometimes it takes a lot of time before I feel ready, but man, it sure feels great to do it and feel free from the anger and hurt.
Toxic is a great word because some people can really "feel" that way. I'm with you- if someone is toxic, I don't put myself in a position where I or my family have close contact with them. I can understand the reasons behind a person's behavior, I can even forgive a person's ignorance of how his/her actions caused harm, but I will not grant permission for it to happen again and again. Take care!
ReplyDeleteI think it is hardest to forgive yourself. You are always thinking and rethinking situations that can't be changed because they are in the past.
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